The Dark Knight of the marketing industry, the Advertising Standards Authority, has claimed another victory for truth and justice. A commercial to recruit young teachers suggested a newly qualified teacher “could earn 34 grand a year.” Where exactly? The ASA says this salary is about £14k higher than the real one of £20,133 p.a. for outer London. The teacher training and development agency disputed the findings – the salary range for a teacher is £20k - £51k, but in truth it would on average take 5 years to reach a salary of £34k. The ASA have therefore ruled the ad misleading so the ad will not be shown again in its current form. The teacher training and development agency have every right to be a little disappointed with the decision. Of the millions who have seen the ad the ASA acted on the registering of…er…two complaints.

The new game on the Wii must be swings and roundabouts: for as maker Nintendo see profits grow by a third (£502m), its rival Sony’s drop by 12%. That’s all thanks to the Wii which shifed 3.42m Wii Fit games and 6.42 million Mario Karts. The key is in having a product that’s appealing to groups of people not normally interested in computer games, like the elderly or the Liberal Democrats. Just look at the figures: nearly 30m Wii consoles sold since launch compared to just 15m Sony Playstation 3 consoles. Sales of the Nintendo DS – advertised by Patrick Stewart and Julie Walters?! – have not been so hot, so they need your help. However, it’s worth remembering that Nintendo came bottom in the independent Greenpeace league of eco-friendly electronic firms. Wii Fit? No, Wii irresponsible.

Still keeping an eye out for those reporting good profits in the credit crunch so you can give them a call with confidence and ask for a handout: British Gas owner Centrica announces a 44% price increase to customers one day, and a near £1bn profit the next – that’s just for the first half of 2008. To get the violins out, the group claims it is the second biggest tax payer in the FTSE 100 – giving 58% of group profits back to the tax man. Cocoa prices up 405 hasn’t stopped Cadbury from upping its profits by nearly 30% - thanks in part to the success of Trident chewing gum (really?) The depression of the 1930s also saw a boom in chocolate sales, so Cadbury many be hoping the recession worsens. They claim we all need little treats in hard times – which is why I have sent a box of Crème Eggs to Basra. Meanwhile the motor insurance group Admiral, based in Cardiff, have made a £100m in profit. I rang them and asked for a better price and they came back with £100.3m.

So the mammoth world trade talks that began in 2001 have collapsed – presumably because they were held in Geneva so everyone was bored witless. Import rules would allow countries to protect poor farmers by imposing a tariff on certain goods in the event of a drop in prices. But the new world order of India, China and the US could not agree on the tariff threshold – particularly with food and fuel prices currently residing in crazy town. The talks have repeatedly collapsed in the last 7 years as developed countries failed to agree with developing nations on terms of access to each others’ markets. The US and the European Union want greater access to provide services to fast-growing markets like China and India. While, developing countries want greater access for their agricultural products in Europe and the US. Pretty simple really. But if this is the end of global talks, nations may now pursue dual agreements with partner nations, focusing on their own requirements rather than a common goal – so in other words, the countries that need help most have been delivered another kick in the groin.

The aim was to make global trade easier. Much of the trouble has been around countries trying to protect traditional agriculture in their rural communities (by setting prices and subsidising farmers). Its maddening because agriculture only makes up less than 8% of world trade. Disputes about how much access America and Europe should have to the rapidly growing service sector in markets like China and India created another serious sticking point. It is possible: The European Union is the most striking example of a large free trade area. And the collapse of the talks means that countries will just strike smaller deals with their neighbours and friends (as they have traditionally done). That means the poorer you are, the more vulnerable you are; there will be no governing rules to decide what’s a fair deal and developing countries may be forced to take the best offer for their goods, no matter how low that offer is. We’re back to the business brains of the rich acting with a conscience. Fat chance! Pass me my white linen suit and Panama hat – the man from HCTB, he says Yes!