Keeping up with those turning a profit in trying times, and with the price of fuel right now, its no huge surprise to learn the oil companies have been raking it in – and how: Greenpeace favourite Exxon Mobil made profits of £11.68bn between April and June, breaking its own record for the highest quarterly profit by a US company. Amazingly the profits disappointed the their investors, who thought that if crude oil prices were double, so should the profits be compared to last year. Ah, oil investors. What lovely people. The figures took into account a $290m fine for the Exxon Valdez oil spill disaster. Given the size of their quarterly profits, “fine” is no doubt the word they had in mind too – the original penalty for the Alaskan spill was $2.5bn. See, its not what you know… Over at Shell the champagne was flowing too with £4bn to play with. And in the UK, BP came in with £4.3bn – or £555 per second. At the start of the week, BP got the green light to embark on one of Angola’s largest oil and gas investments, worth $10 billion.

Oil is nearly $140 a barrel. By the time I reach the 3rd green this morning it may be more than that. Why is it so expensive right now? Here’s what you tell ‘em when you go for your job at Exxon Mobil (and ask for healthcare - £11bn quarterly profits, they can afford it): The dollar is weaker than a plot line in 2 Pints of Lager, so people don’t want to invest in the money markets. Instead they invest in oil which, as it’s traded in dollars, was cheap to buy. Some traders (market speculators) bet huge sums on the predicted price of oil. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy: if someone will bet their house on you taking your shirt off, you suddenly wake up and find you are taking your shirt off. Well, that’s what happened to me. But US regulators are right now investigating some traders for “market manipulation” of the oil price. Shocking isn’t it. Global supplies of oil can’t keep up with demand, and if you need something desperately, you’ll pay a little extra for it. Since 2005 oil demand has risen by 3m barrels a day (mainly from the USA). It is expected to rise to 32m barrels a day over the next 20 years (blame China). Much oil comes from shaky areas of the world. If the entire world’s oil came from Peterborough, we can assume supply would be consistent. It doesn’t. It comes from South America, Russia, the Middle East – areas where as much as 68% of the populations are drunk or clinically insane. So now you know. Join Boris on his bike, or pour it over your face like Harvey Dent while you still have the chance. The choice is yours. The future is in our hands, and our hands have covered in oil. I drink your milkshake!

Thanks to both of you who’ve followed the stories around restaurant chains paying staff below the minimum wage (£5.52 apparently) and then hoping that tips will prop up the pay to a legal level. The press has made such a fuss over this summer’s “big story” that the law is to be changed, so employers will be banned from using tips or service charges to “top up” pay.  Business Secretary John Hutton said there needed to be more transparency in tipping so it was clear how tips were distributed so that customers knew where their money was going and whether or not the establishment operated a fair tipping policy. The union Unite intends to introduce a Fair Tips logo in bars and restaurants across the UK - showing that staff receive at least the minimum wage as well as all tips. So keep ‘em peeled for that logo on old offenders Carluccio’s; Strada; D&D London; Hard Rock – and more. The new law is expected to come into place early 2009 - does that mean we wont have to tip from then on?