Barely a day goes by when I don’t savour the delicious mango, lychee or passionfruit drinks made by Rubicon. Its a match made in heaven then as the manufacturer of day-glo orange, bubblegum, medicine and cancer flavoured, mythical hangover cure Irn Bru, AG Barr has bought the brand for nearly £60m. It’s in response to the growing demand for still over fizzy drinks - sales of juices have risen 37% in four years. AG Barr is big news in Scotland, where drinking Irn Bru can actually improve the appearance of your teeth, while Rubicon is especially big in ethnically diverse pockets of the South East. Fact fans: Rubicon was set up in 1981 and takes its name from the Italian river that Julius Caesar crossed with his army against orders in 49 BC, plunging the Roman empire into civil war. Why? Why because the founders wanted to start a similar revolution in soft drinks. I swear I’m not making that up. It’s gold. But it in the bank. Use it on a first date. 

To the outsider, marketing might look like a world of pointy shoes, pills, and crying yourself to sleep, but its smarter than that. The smartest of the lot are an agency I’ve admired from afar for many years MOTHER. They are the mothers behind the latest buzz in the ad world and, man alive, you better know about it and have a better idea if you’re talking to any one of them. Movie maker Shane Meadows owes me one pair of clean underpants for the brilliant Dead Mans Shoes. His new film Somers Town is about the friendship between two boys living near St. Pancras station. So what? MOTHER got the film funded by Eurostar, that’s what. Pot Noodle: The Musical sounds like the usual dross that that people who’s parents didn’t love them turn out at the Edinburgh festival. However this dross is set in the Pot Noodle factory, uses actors from the Pot Noodle ads and was paid (without any artistic control) by Pot Noodle. Who cares if they have no artistic control over the project; just look at how many times I’ve been forced to mention Pot Noodle. MOTHER love the future of this covert/overt sponsorship so much they have set up a separate department to produce “content”, or entertainment. And entertaining it needs to be. For every Burger King X-box game (3 million sold) there’s a shameless Duran Duran and Mark Ronson concert very blatantly bought to you by Smirnoff. But this is the future for a Britain where normal people are bombarded with 1,000 ads a day (2,000 if you’re a student or unemployed). All those ads cost money. So advertisers are thinking, “if I pay for the content, I don’t need to pay for ad space.”  There are two tricks to crack if you want to make a million with this: how do you measure the success of the campaigns? And how do you keep the values of the brand you’re promoting when most good dramas are about death, crime, shagging and swearing? Crack that, and call me.

When you do get off your backside and get a job, remember you are an ambassador for your employer. Let’s be clear that law firm Shearman and Sterling cannot be held responsible for the actions of one of their staff who was out with a 23-year old Oxford graduate, new to the firm, in London with other team members. They were refused entry to Chinawhite (they are lawyers remember) so hopped up the street to my old hang out The Windmill Club for a spot of poll dancing. Unfortunately the £85k a year (is that it?!) solicitor was more interested in the work experience girl and put his hand up her skirt. When she asked the legal profession’s answer to Calum Best what his girlfriend would make of his actions he replied: “I don’t give a f**k.” Nice bloke. The assault continued until the girl broke free. He’s been sacked and she’s landed a £40k a year training contract at another firm. She is considering suing Shearman and Sterling, who claim that because the man paid for entrance to the club with his own money, they have no responsibility in the matter (other than hiring an absolute cock). Suing lawyers is never an easy path. Its a sad story for all concerned, but is naturally the buzz of the industry around watercoolers right now, so get an opinion, and if you can, get the guilty party’s name and send it to me. I’m not done with him yet…