My young apprentice David Cameron has come in for some stick today, finally the Telegraph made it around to the Tories in the expense exposé. Although the Tories haven’t claimed for any porn (or if they have, they’ve just hidden it better, take notes Mr Smith) they have claimed for men to change their light bulbs, men to do some plumbing and men to drive them around. Other than their masculinity taking a bashing surely there is also the question of equality? Could they not have paid women to change the light bulbs? Or just do as I do, and push Mrs Hanson up a ladder. Who knows.
We have David Willetts of shadow universities secretary fame paying £100 for 25 light bulbs to be replaced. Then there was Oliver Letwin, a policy chief, claiming £2,000 for plumbing done under his tennis court, whilst good old George Osborne was found claiming for a chauffeur. When will the madness stop? A grovelling David Cameron, rolled on his backed yesterday and begged for forgiveness: “The system we had and used was wrong… we are sorry about that”.
I can’t wait to see what the Liberal Democrats have to declare, I’m hoping for whips, chains and industrial strength whipped cream.
Tags: conservative, david cameron, expenses, tories
You better believe 
It was the swish ceremony for the Green Business Awards this week – hosted by Mock the Week’s Hugh Dennis. On the menu (I guess) was Pea Soup, Carbon-ara, and Petit 4×4s. 
The publication last night of London’s Most Influential People looked even more vapid and self-congratulatory than usual against the backdrop of the credit crunch (an oversight meant I didn’t make the list. Again) Hurrah then for the release of 
Those work day team building exercises ought to be as easy as falling off a log (literally). The trouble is, human pyramid with your clothes on can be a bit predictable. Hooray then for early contender for my company of the year: Converso Contact Lens Centres Ltd. of Southend, Essex. An internal team building exercise at the company’s head office involved two members of staff inexplicably wielding replica hand guns. Its not unheard of to look into the windows of an Essex company and see men with guns, and so members of the public did what they always do, and called the police. Within minutes the building was surrounded by armed officers, thinking they were halting a siege situation. Cue David Brent style managers, with hands above their heads, having to explain to police that it was “just a game”. Trigger fingers and contact lenses could have made for a highly motivating experience! 
