If you work for Kellogg’s I’d guess that the last thing you’d want more of is Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, Pop or the unimaginatively named Cocoa the Cocoa Pop Monkey, but apparently I’m wrong.  Kellogg’s have decided to reinvent their staff reward system, abandoning jargon and buzzwords and instead use their ‘popular’ mascots to make their staff reward statements easier to understand and beautiful.  Within the staff reward scheme is the company’s pension system, so if you managed to land yourself a job at Kellogg’s you to could open up a pension statement delivered by Tony the Tiger with Snap Crackle and Pop sat in the background.  There is a serious reason behind their choice (although it’s completely lost on me!), which my good friend David Lowe will attempt to explain: “Now, more than ever, we want our people to know they matter to us so we made a conscious decision to ‘sell’ our reward offering a lot more proactively than we have done in the past.  Our trademark characters are fun, and features such as our ‘Corn-flex’ section are backed up with a serious agenda. The statements are a new way of talking about reward for us - they do more than communicate the facts and figures relating to an employee’s pay and benefits; they embed our company culture, inspire employees and demonstrate we value them enough to put serious consideration into communicating their reward.”

Not much of an end to the week playmates, with black clouds circling over Woolworths, MFI, ITV, DSG and Moss Bros. Let’s face it, not “premium brands.” So here’s some turnips from the tip to remind you someone’s having a worse week than you: take the entrepreneurs at Puck Technology who face 8 years in prison for marketing a prosthetic penis (The Wizzinator) that allows customers to cheat drug tests by issuing warm, uncontaminated urine…the boss of 118 118 after a Lancashire Muslim student who paid 60p for the 118 118 joke line service and was sent two deeply offensive racist “jokes”…the Texan police officer who had had sex with a prostitute while supposedly investigating an illegal brothel. He was suspended from his job despite claiming, “I didn’t have pleasure doing it…it was something I did for the city.” …but worst week of all must go to the 64 year-old man who tried to sue a hospital, claiming that during a routine procedure the surgeon stapled his rectum shut. He lost his case as medical evidence proved that he smoked so much that he had in fact been constipated for 17 days. Something for the weekend!

Danish-baiting, flat-pack, hotdog monger Ikea will launch a mobile phone business this week in a tie-up with T-Mobile, who will provide pre-pay services. The new service, Mobile Family is aimed at the 1.4 million people on the Ikea loyalty programme. To kick start the service the firm will give each of its 9,500 employees a mobile phone (which they have to build themselves) and £5 credited SIM card. Similar deals have already been carried out at Asda, Tesco and Warephone Carhouse. Its a good way to find new customers: Vodafone has into new territory by launching virtual networks with Lebara Mobile that cater for Britain’s immigrant population - a market worth an estimated £500m a year - with cheap international calls to Africa, south-east Asia, India, South America and eastern Europe.

With BT announcing a £1.5bn investement to get the UK into the braodband superleague, here’s something to talk about in your job interview: It seems Dragon, Peter Jones’ acting isn’t the only scary thing in the new BT ads. The Gremlins stopping him doing his no doubt fascinating work are apparently giving some (cotton-wool) children nightmares. The commercial carried an “ex kids” restriction by Clearcast, the body responsible for vetting ads before they are seen by the public, meaning it should not be shown in or around programmes targeted at children or that have a specific appeal to them. But 11 complaints have come through to the Advertising Standards Authority and that apparently warrants an investigation. BT’s take on it was to say that in the wider context of films and computer games aimed at children the ad was “fairly tame”. Luckily the ASA agreed and said the Gremlins were likely to be seen as “comedic rather than threatening”. A lot like Theo Paphitis.

20-somethings are more interested in job satisfaction than money. Just 18% of managers feel money was their primary consideration when taking a job. Agree? Just as well; come into my tent; cross my palm with silver and let’s have a long look at my ball. I’ve seen the future: according to new research from a survey of 3,300 people, women’s salaries plateau at £35k once they reach 35 years of age – many women then begin to earn less as they get older. The average male salary peaks between the ages of 41-45 at £45k, and then fall back to £35k after that. The message for both sexes is “save,” “plan for your future.” Not if you’re my old friend Arun Sarin, the outgoing boss of Vodafone. He’s set to receive £22m as a golden cheerio when he leaves the firm, credited with having turned the brand into a global player. At just 53 years old, he throws my bloody salary calculator into a spin!