Can I kick it? Not with these hips, but if I could I might do so on one of the country’s 29 five-a-side centres. You don’t think it, but someone has them as a business, and that’s Goal Soccer Centres, who’ve seen profits up 20%, giving them over £3.5m to buy some half time oranges. The firm has plans to open six new centres next year and has a total of 40 sites in its business plan. With the country enjoying something of a sporting renaissance it might be time to give the jockstrap a wash and buy boss Keith Rogers a soapy lager, or at least offer to take him dogging – footballers love that. Not just footballers…

Here in the UK, about 25% of us bother to use our mobiles to access the internet. So there’s 75% there to grow into…over in India (200m mobile users) the handset is the most used means of getting online. Brit firms are beginning to wake up to this potential, and we’re leading the way in finding new ways to exploit the internet through the mobile – in fact London has eclipsed the USA’s Silicon Valley for mobile start-ups. Flirtomatic is a mobile-only dating service; Mippin, a web-content aggregator for mobiles; Reporo, which brands itself as Bebo for your mobile; Actionality lets companies to develop mobile ads around games; eBuddy is a mobile messaging service; and Plazes, a social networking offering that is based on the user’s location, has been sold to Nokia. This is a good space to be in: despite the credit crunch, which has put the brakes on many private equity investments, this sector is still attracting cash – thanks in part to mobile users spending six times more while on the web than those of us using it sat at a desk. Estimates suggest that as many as 1.2 billion people could regularly be accessing the web via their mobile by 2012. Kerr-ching! Get in!

If you’re loaded, recessions are great for reminding everyone how much cash you’ve got and rubbing their nose in it. No wonder then that luxury brands Gucci and Hermes have announced sparkling profits up 25% each. Gucci is home to designers Stella McCartney and Alexander McQueen and majority owner of sports good firm Puma. Hermes is using the new cash to extending its stake in the fashion house of Jean-Paul Gaultier, it also has plans to open or renovate 15 of its stores in the second half of this year in response to increased demand. So, skinny jeans on, 80s hair crimped; get down there and show ‘em what you’ve got.

Some kind of good news at last: our old pals at LV or  Liverpool Victoria insurance to you and me, are to pay £150m to swallow the Highway Insurance Group. The move is hoped to make the green hearted scallies a “top five insurer” by 2012. So, more customers, bigger resources, more security, broader opportunities. Not many are shouting about that right now.

The people behind the Kaiser Chiefs and Primal Scream are backing a new website that allows music fans to invest financially as well as emotionally in hotly tipped new acts. You mean slicethepie.com? Why, no. This “new� venture dreamed up by a music business lawyer (brilliant) and backed by the founder of Friends Reunited. Bandstocks lets you buy a stake in an artist in £10 slices. Once funding reaches a certain level, for example £100,000, the money will be released for the act to record an album – and you even get a credit in the sleeve notes. So what? Those of you considering a career in the music business will have already watched our incomprehensible advice videos from the head of marketing at Warner International. The fragrant Matthieu says you have to show some kind of interest in the biz to get a job inside – if you haven’t got the time to manage a band or set up a fanzine (his suggestions) do this. Hell, you’ll be putting your money where your mouth is and that’s a rarity in today’s music industry. Right, kids?!