Finally the recession captures my attention with the woeful news from the The British Beer & Pub Association that 39 pubs a week are closing in Britain, 20 times faster than three years ago – and that equates to losing 60,000 crucial student-loan-paying-off jobs. Last year nearly 2000 pubs rang the bell for last orders as MPs debate more regulation in the profession including compulsory qualifications for bar staff - measures that will cost the industry £300m. I’m all for training and qualifications, but not if it means my local, The Prawn and Scaffolding, goes under. Meanwhile, in the restaurant trade, a record number of 26 UK establishments have earned a coveted Michelin star. Women chefs also make a strong showing in the 2009 food bible, with 10 now running starred restaurants. Guide boss Derek Bulmer said: “These new stars have been awarded to a host of establishments from gastropubs and family-run locals to country hotels and fashionable London restaurants. For the first time we are seeing women reach the top jobs in starred restaurants. If it continues on at the same rate, it’s no longer going to be the male-dominated industry that it traditionally has been.” Well, if you can’t stand the heat, spoil the broth.

Can I kick it? Not with these hips, but if I could I might do so on one of the country’s 29 five-a-side centres. You don’t think it, but someone has them as a business, and that’s Goal Soccer Centres, who’ve seen profits up 20%, giving them over £3.5m to buy some half time oranges. The firm has plans to open six new centres next year and has a total of 40 sites in its business plan. With the country enjoying something of a sporting renaissance it might be time to give the jockstrap a wash and buy boss Keith Rogers a soapy lager, or at least offer to take him dogging – footballers love that. Not just footballers…

Three credit crunch jousting knights now: Insurer Amlin’s profits beat expectations at with £137m to play with. They’re slightly incoherent in our new advice video. Burger King made $51 in the last three months – that’s a jump of over 5% - as more of us look for cheap, quick “food”. McDonald’s too has had booming profits. And Cineworld has declared itself “recession proof” with nearly £15m profits thanks to Batman and Mamma Mia showing at its 74 locations – and a 6% rise in ticket prices. The next Bond film, Quantum of Solace (?!) is expected to shatter records in October.

Well who’d have thunk it: With all this talk of recession you’d have thought the holiday companies would be packing their own bags, but my old friends at Thomas Cook say business is strong, and forecasted sales through to summer 09 are up on the year before. Same goes for German rival TUI (First Choice and Thomson) where sales are up 8% in the UK. See we all like a holiday, and in hard times, the new carpet, fancy jacket and foie gras are the things we cut back on first. The trend seems to be that we’re cutting back on the euro-strong weekend break to Paris or Barcelona (surely not Amsterdam) but are keeping the big two-week holiday further a-field intact – especially as the weather here can’t be relied on. So its golf course Friday for the management, or as Jonathan Jackson, an analyst at Killik Capital, puts it: “Capacity reduction and fuel hedging, combined with the merger synergy benefits provide some reassurance that the group will be able to cope with a downturn.” That’s it JJ – as clear and humorous as ever! But wait – my old friend and hairy-egg MP Vince Cable has come forward to pour water on my BBQ by warning that this recession (lack of consumer spending) could last between 3 and 10 years! Vince is a man I trust and we’ll keep you posted. Now worries for a loaded old cove like me though, I’ve booked my first class trip to go and hunt Big Foot. Pull!

Here’s a good way to remind everyone you’re still there: The Co-operative Travel has 400 high street stores and sells over £1bn worth of holidays each year. No, I’ve never heard of them either, but they are a sizeable force in the tourism industry. Worrying for Downing Street then that they have added their name to the list of protesters who firmly oppose plans for a third runway at Heathrow. Boss Mike Greenacre (apt name) pointed out that the “proposals conflict with the UK’s targets to reduce its carbon dioxide emissions by 60% by 2050.” Co-op sees growth in better use of existing regional airports, feeling that a third runway would gridlock West London. Mike has got huge claps on the back from the Green lobby for putting his neck on the block and saying what many are thinking. Without business support, the Government has no case to push for the expansion of Heathrow. A decision is expected this year…