Can I kick it? Not with these hips, but if I could I might do so on one of the country’s 29 five-a-side centres. You don’t think it, but someone has them as a business, and that’s Goal Soccer Centres, who’ve seen profits up 20%, giving them over £3.5m to buy some half time oranges. The firm has plans to open six new centres next year and has a total of 40 sites in its business plan. With the country enjoying something of a sporting renaissance it might be time to give the jockstrap a wash and buy boss Keith Rogers a soapy lager, or at least offer to take him dogging – footballers love that. Not just footballers…

Three credit crunch jousting knights now: Insurer Amlin’s profits beat expectations at with £137m to play with. They’re slightly incoherent in our new advice video. Burger King made $51 in the last three months – that’s a jump of over 5% - as more of us look for cheap, quick “food”. McDonald’s too has had booming profits. And Cineworld has declared itself “recession proof” with nearly £15m profits thanks to Batman and Mamma Mia showing at its 74 locations – and a 6% rise in ticket prices. The next Bond film, Quantum of Solace (?!) is expected to shatter records in October.

Well who’d have thunk it: With all this talk of recession you’d have thought the holiday companies would be packing their own bags, but my old friends at Thomas Cook say business is strong, and forecasted sales through to summer 09 are up on the year before. Same goes for German rival TUI (First Choice and Thomson) where sales are up 8% in the UK. See we all like a holiday, and in hard times, the new carpet, fancy jacket and foie gras are the things we cut back on first. The trend seems to be that we’re cutting back on the euro-strong weekend break to Paris or Barcelona (surely not Amsterdam) but are keeping the big two-week holiday further a-field intact – especially as the weather here can’t be relied on. So its golf course Friday for the management, or as Jonathan Jackson, an analyst at Killik Capital, puts it: “Capacity reduction and fuel hedging, combined with the merger synergy benefits provide some reassurance that the group will be able to cope with a downturn.” That’s it JJ – as clear and humorous as ever! But wait – my old friend and hairy-egg MP Vince Cable has come forward to pour water on my BBQ by warning that this recession (lack of consumer spending) could last between 3 and 10 years! Vince is a man I trust and we’ll keep you posted. Now worries for a loaded old cove like me though, I’ve booked my first class trip to go and hunt Big Foot. Pull!

Here’s a good way to remind everyone you’re still there: The Co-operative Travel has 400 high street stores and sells over £1bn worth of holidays each year. No, I’ve never heard of them either, but they are a sizeable force in the tourism industry. Worrying for Downing Street then that they have added their name to the list of protesters who firmly oppose plans for a third runway at Heathrow. Boss Mike Greenacre (apt name) pointed out that the “proposals conflict with the UK’s targets to reduce its carbon dioxide emissions by 60% by 2050.” Co-op sees growth in better use of existing regional airports, feeling that a third runway would gridlock West London. Mike has got huge claps on the back from the Green lobby for putting his neck on the block and saying what many are thinking. Without business support, the Government has no case to push for the expansion of Heathrow. A decision is expected this year…

It transpires that The German Bundesliga isn’t just the nickname of a working girl I met in Hamburg last weekend, but a low German football league. It’s become an interesting barometer of modern times as hordes of our own Premier League fans have got so fed up with paying a large fortune for a season ticket to UK games, they find it cheaper to travel to the land of sausage and pay as little as £6 for a match (as opposed to £102 for Chelsea). Fans report being able to get return flights, a hotel room, and a ticket for as little as £65. The experience has been likened to the glory days of 1970s – you stand on terraces, pass round gaspers and get your pint glass filled up for £1. Similar enthusiasm is shown for the Spanish La Liga. The new season starts in August and if I wasn’t so busy waiting for this rash to clear up, I’d think about setting up an online travel business that sorts out coaches, tickets, hotels and bail money for the disgruntled UK fans…any takers?!